A Tuesday note on self-care
So, your friendly neighborhood librarian has had a hell of a two days.
I woke up Monday feeling completely dizzy. I took my blood pressure, and it was in the 150s / 120s range. Which is odd, as I’m on blood pressure medication.
I got myself to the doctor, where they reduced my dosage. Today I woke up, tired, but my blood pressure was within normal parameters. Then it again spiked. Right now it’s in the 140s / 120s, again way too high.
All this is preamble to this fact: Take care of yourselves.
The old LL would have just ignored this and gone in to work. (And actually, even dizzy as I was yesterday, I was seriously debating getting on our freeways and heading to the library. Mrs. LL from 2000 miles away told me to stop being a fucking idiot.) But I’m nearing 50, two prominent actors have died of strokes in the past few weeks, and I have a history of stroke in my family.
Part of resistance is knowing when to pull back from the front lines. I’ll be of no good to anyone if I’m hooked up to a machine because I suffered a stroke or heart attack. So, contrary to every fiber in my being, I’m going to lay in bed for the second day in a row and try to recuperate.
It’s hard. You need to know what’s going on. You need to feel useful. But you need to be useful to yourself first. If you’re not, you’re literally useless to anyone else.
Heed your bodies and your minds when they feel off. The worst killers are the silent ones.
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