Wayne's World: An Open Letter to Wayne LaPierre Regarding His Work


Dear Wayne, 


You did it.  


You really did it.  When others said it couldn't be done, it was you who insisted it could be.  When others laughed, mocked, and took open shots (pardon the pun) at you, you stayed the course.  When others called you names, said you were the anti-Christ, and believed you to be a sub-human mongrel, you stayed true to your principles.  You did what nobody else thought possible. 


You made America into a real-life version of Grand Theft Auto.  


And who doesn't love Grand Theft Auto?  It's all the rage with the kids growing up these days.  Chaos on the streets.  Easy access to a wide variety of weapons no matter who you are or what your background is.  All-out police chases taking up tremendous amounts of a police force's resources.  People being taken out in the streets, in schools, on military bases, and in houses of worship.  All the while, nothing being done to in any way curtail all the calamity that has descended upon us.  


It's really quite impressive, actually.  


I mean, just look how you've already handled yesterday's horrific shooting.  As soon as people start calling the NRA a terrorist organization, what do you do?   Why, you and your allies blame the whole incident on "gun free zones"!  Because Wayne, as you have said time and time again, the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.  So if we had a church full of good guys with guns, this whole incident would have obviously never happened.  The logic is airtight and flawless.  


And just look now at how you're winning the messaging war.  Once upon a time, people would flip out that somebody like Alex Jones is in your corner.  Now, nobody even bats an eye.  Because Alex, like you Wayne, knows how important it is that we have streets full of good guys with guns and that President Obama stays the hell away from our good guys protecting their Second Amendment rights.  It's gotten to the point now, where publications like The Onion know exactly how an event like Charleston will turn out.  In fact, you've become so on-point and consistent with your message that now even respectable publications like The Huffington Post have resorted to mocking you rather than having any substantive policy discussion.  


Now even with this solid messaging, Wayne you still have detractors.   But you've been able to fight them off, simply by being you.  People like Piers Morgan and Michael Bloomberg have tried to use their media presence to enact gun legislation.  Same thing with groups like Moms Demand Action and Everytown for Gun Safety who have tried to appeal to America's heartstrings.  But Wayne, you simply don't cave to these heartfelt appeals.  As an unmarried man with no children, you don't care what these rabble rousers have to say about things like "family safety."  It's like you've been saying all along:  We'll all be safe if everyone is armed.  What's better at giving a father and mother peace of mind that an assault rifle located within arms reach?  


You truly are a man with a vision, Wayne.  And you made that vision into reality.  I mean, just a simple look at the facts shows the kind of world you and the NRA have helped create.  We have had more mass shootings, more active shooter scenarios, and 6 of the 12 deadliest shootings in our country's history in the last 8 years.  Sounds terrible, right?  Yet, despite these numbers you choose to look on the bright side:  A third of households now own guns and support for gun control is declining even though states with the toughest gun control have the fewest gun-related deaths.  Time and time again, we've seen you use these numbers to your advantage.  In the month after Sandy Hook, the NRA added over 100,000 members to its ranks.  Because again, like you said at the time, if the school had armed guards then the shooting might never have happened.  


So Wayne, you did it.  Instead of a generation of teenagers playing a silly video game where guns and violence ruin lives and wreck society you actually went out and made that world a reality.  A sick, twisted, depraved individual like yourself has created a world where a father can purchase a gun for his racist son and then face no repercussions when that son goes and kills nine innocent people in a church.  A world where under-trained and overzealous policemen kill a twelve-year old boy for having a BB gun that closely resemble the guns your organization sells.  A world where college students can now carry guns on campus because we've all seen what mature decisions college students make with alcohol so they'll be equally responsible with firearms.  A world where news of a mass shooting like the one yesterday in Charleston barely gets a shrug of the shoulders from even the most caring and concerned citizen.  


It is the world you created through your destruction.  You have no remorse and never will.  You're more than happy to pocket your seven-figure salary and go home and sleep alone in the comforts of your own home.  Because that's all that matters, Wayne.  Your well-being.  Not the fact that the United States loses 32,000 people a year to gun violence.  Not the fact that 92% of people wanted stricter background checks after Sandy Hook.  Not the fact that someone in the United States is 20 times more likely to be killed by a gun here than in any other industrialized nation.  None of that matters to you, Wayne.  All that matters is the NRA is doing great and so are you.  


The truth is Wayne, we as a nation are tired and despondent of all these killings.  But we will not stop fighting people like you who put greed and profit over the lives of innocent people.  Politicians may pander to the NRA but the American people owe you nothing.  All we owe you is a collective middle finger for putting our communities at risk.  Newsflash:  Nobody is going to take your guns.  We don't care if you hunt quail with your shotgun on the weekends in rural Mississippi.  What we care about is why a convicted felon has a garage full of AK-47s that he legally obtained.  What we care about is why you can go to a gun show and take home a weapon without submitting to a background check.  What we care about is having a society where armed White men aren't allowed to drop into the local breakfast diner with two military-grade weapons looped around their necks.  


You've created a mess, Wayne and it will take decades to undue the damage you have done.  Right now, you're on top of the world.  You probably think you're invincible.  But people like you always screw up.  It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.  Because right now, Wayne, all you see is your successes:  Record NRA membership levels, a useless Congress, and public apathy.  However, history is a pendulum Wayne.  It will swing back to the desire for a world where Grand Theft Auto is simply a video game and not a way of life.  There will be a collective awakening will people will realize they simply don't want to live in the world that you helped create.  When that realization occurs, they will turn on those responsible for creating that world and they will come after you.  And when the mobs turns on a person, the results are never pretty.  


You had better hope they come unarmed.  

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