Every once in a while, a long-outdated trend comes back into the mainstream.
Most of it has to do with our popular culture. But sometimes it has to do with dancing, clothing, music or anything retro that people find cool again. No matter what it is, people suddenly realize how great it was and want it to be part of their lives again.
This year's IT trend that has all the people raving is good old-fashioned fascism.
Yep, you heard right. This year's cool trend that is now once again popular is the exact political ideology embraced by our good friends Benito Mussolini and Adolph Hitler. Sure, it's been a while since we've heard about it, but in 2015 fascism has become all the rage here in America. In fact, it's become so popular that the more someone embraces it, the more support that person gets! To see just how big of a comeback fascism has made, let's look at some characteristics of fascism and compare that with modern Republican ideology here in the United States.
1. Powerful and continuing expressions of nationalism
Uh, haven't you guys heard? Like Donald Trump says we need to Make America Great Again! Yes, this catch phrase or a variation of it is all the rage right now. You can't turn on the TV today without having one of our political candidates utter some variation of it. Of course, nobody actually knows what the "again" refers to but that doesn't matter! All we know now is that we will make America great because at some point in her past she was great and for some reason now she's not great but we'd really like to be great...again.
2. Disdain for the importance of human rights
Look, ideally you want to give people rights. But what if these people might perhaps want to cause us harm? How will we ever know unless we question them under extreme duress? Donald Trump supports waterboarding. Chris Christie "wouldn't rule it out" but we all know that means he's a fan. Ben Carson thinks giving it up would be "too PC." Look, just because waterboarding has been proven to be ineffective doesn't mean we shouldn't stop doing it. How else would we honor Dick Cheney's blackened heart if we couldn't waterboard innocent people?
3. Identification of enemies/scapegoats as a unifying cause
This one is all the rage right now and for good reason. Because when bad things happen, it's our God-given right in America to blame anyone and anything but the people doing the bad thing. Today's rabble rousers are clearly American Muslims. Like Ben Carson said, they just shouldn't be president. I mean their holy book, their clothes, their place or worship... it's all so un-Christian if you ask me. As Donald Trump said, we really should keep tabs on them and, to take his idea even further, we should even ban them from coming to our country in the first place! I mean, it might seem like profiling a bit, but you can never be too careful these days. It's better to be safe than sorry, especially when it comes to Muslims.
4. The supremacy of the military/avid militarism
We have the greatest military in world history so why not use it? That's right, let's start fanning the flames of war and let's pound these ISIS motherf*ckers into oblivion! Ted Cruz is spot on with his idea to carpet bomb the entire Syrian region. Sure we might kill a few (hundred thousand) civilians but it'll be worth it to do away with those barbaric terrorists! Heck, more than just bombs, let's send some of our good ole boys in on the action too. John Kasich is all about putting boots on the ground against Isis. Sure the terrorist group has viciously beheaded its enemies, but they haven't fought red-blooded 'Murican enemies yet! Enough with this whole "diplomacy" nonsense. Let's kick the tires, light the fires, and show ISIS what a real fighting force looks like!
5. Rampant sexism
I'm gonna to be honest: Women just can't control themselves. It's not their fault really. They're simply the weaker sex. So when they go and get themselves knocked up, either intentionally or by rape, then it's up to them to follow God's will and birth the child. Sure, Carly Fiorina lied about Planned Parenthood selling aborted baby parts for profit. And sure, some deranged lunatic shot up a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs because he believed they were actually selling baby parts. But that wouldn't have happened if women were simply able to control themselves and not try to interject when God blesses them with a child in their life.
6. A controlled mass media
I don't know about you, but I personally am sick of the mainstream "liberal" media. They get all self-righteous and actually think they're covering the news fairly when all they're doing is bashing Republicans! Well, I am for one am certainly glad we have our Australian owner and key Saudi investor over at Fox News to tell all of us the real story of what's going on. I mean, where else would you have reporters with the honestly and integrity to call the President a "p*ssy" and say that he doesn't "give a sh*t" about terrorism? That right there, is some pitch-perfect journalism that no other network will have the gall to say. Plus Fox News gives all the Republican presidential candidates free, unlimited air time. What other network does that for you and then asks you softball questions? Fox News is truly a godsend during what is an otherwise hectic political campaign schedule for all the candidates.
7. Obsession with national security
I don't follow the news too closely, but I'm pretty sure that ISIS is at our southern boarder as we speak. That's why we need to make sure that our borders are secure because you never know if ISIS might try to sneak in with a bunch of criminals, drug dealers and rapists as Donald Trump warned. We also can't take in any of these mischievous refugees from Syria unless they're Christians as Jeb Bush said and we definitely should ban the Muslim ones like Ted Cruz said. I mean, Ben Carson is right: We need to screen these women and orphans just like they're rabid dogs or else they could be a huge threat to our country. Actually, you know what? Even then some terrorists could still sneak in so maybe Donald Trump is right that we shouldn't only ban Syrian refugees but we should also kick out the ones that are already here. You can never be too careful these days.
8. Religion and ruling elite tied together
We all know how evil Islam is. But the reason is simply that Islam is a threat to the Christian values that this country was founded on. I mean, would you really want to live in a country whose laws weren't based in the Christian tradition? Of course not! That's why we need to instill our own personal Christian values on the rest of the country because, as Ted Cruz said, it's obvious that an atheist is unfit to ever become president. It's why Marco Rubio wants to roll back protections for those pesky gays who are clearly an abomination in the eyes of God and why Mike Huckabee believes we should ignore the Supreme Court's ruling on marriage equality in order to save our republic. Sure, we'd ideally have a separation of church and state but would you truly want to live in a country where the dominant religion wasn't used to make everyday laws? I didn't think so.
9. Power of corporations protected
Corporations are people, my friend. We all learned this thanks to the 2010 Citizen United Supreme Court case. So it's natural that every single GOP political candidate would have a Super PAC supporting him or her with the exception of self-made man Donald Trump. So with all the money flowing in, we have to make sure it keeps flowing in. That is why the all GOP candidates with the exception of Mike Huckabee are against the reissuing of the Glass-Steagall Act which provided a firewall between investment and commercial banking because it's only natural that those two slightly overlap to help corporations. In fact, not only do we not need additional regulations but we have too much already! That is why all the Republican candidates are also against the Dodd-Frank Act which was a series of safeguards added in 2010 to avoid a future economic crash. Come on now! Everyone knows the free market knows best and that market works best when there are little to no regulations.
10. Power of labor suppressed or eliminated
What have unions done for us lately? Sure there was a time that they help to outlaw child labor, and establish the five-day and forty-hour work week, and ensure workplace protections but that stuff was sooooo last century. Today's unions are made up of a bunch of thugs trying to bully their bosses into getting handouts. Like Chris Christie said, organizations like teacher's unions would rather protect their own than get meaningful results. Now, sure you could argue that Republicans like Christie are anti-union because 90% of union money goes to Democrats but it's more than that. Once people unionize, then they start wanting certain things, and we simply can't have that kind of mindset get in the way of some good, hard, honest American work.
11. Disdain and suppression of intellectuals and the arts
Dang kids today. They're always trying to cause a ruckus and they don't even know what they're talking about. First off, some of them are convinced that there's racial inequality on college campuses today. That's just plain nuts! That's also infantile according college-educated African American Ben Carson, and I think that guy knows what he's talking about because, duh, he's a doctor. Jeb Bush was spot on when he said that psychology majors end up working at Chick-Fil-A because nobody really cares how and why people think the way that they do. Because if kids today actually did think things through then they'd realize that every generation has had student loan debt and to bitch and moan about it doesn't accomplish anything. If you're really concerned about student loan debt you should have your parents pay for your education. Problem solved!
12. Obsession with crime and punishment
Let's be honest: There is a way going on in this country and that war is against the brave men and women who don the policeman's uniform. This whole idea of Black Lives Matter is preposterous. Of course black lives matter because all lives matter. But if you're breaking the law or thinking about breaking the law then you should be punished. If you interrupt a campaign speech to voice your opinion, you should be kicked out. Or, at Chris Christie advised, you shouldn't even call him for a meeting because you won't get one. We are safe each and every day because of the men and women in blue so who are we to question their motives and tactics as long as they keep us safe?
13. Rampant cronyism and corruption
The term cronyism gets a bad wrap, but let's be honest: All it means is putting the best people in positions around you. And what people are better than those in your inner circle? Can you really blame Jeb Bush for using the exact same foreign policy advisers as his brother? Can you blame Donald Trump for taking a "small" loan of $1 million from his dad to start his career? No, of course you can't! And even if you're around people you trust, sometimes you're just going to have to make big decisions on your own. But can any of us really blame Marco Rubio for spending a few thousand dollars on the party credit card? That's like when your dad gives you $10 for lunch and you spend $7 and pocket $3 so you can't blame Rubio for that one! Or Ben Carson hocking a dietary supplement that lied to consumers? No harm no foul, am I right? And, least of all we blame someone like Rand Paul for simply having state GOP members vote on a rule change that allow him to run for president and keep his Senate seat. That's not cronyism, that's simply your pals having your back!
14. Fraudulent elections
The term fraudulent just sounds dirty. How about instead we call them "enhanced elections"? Because that's all they are. We still have free and fair elections in this country, but we're just slightly amending who can partake in said elections. Like in the swing state of Florida, when an former GOP state chairman admitted there were systems in place to keep blacks from voting. Or the state of Alabama shutting down DMVs in black communities. Or the state of Texas' new voting requirements that left a 93-year-old lifelong resident unable to vote. Or the six million people convicted of a felony who are not legally allowed to vote, many of whom are poor people of color. See? These elections aren't fraudulent but are instead simply being modified to have a slightly less diverse pool of eligible voters to help better elect our representatives.
So fifty years from now, after having experienced nuclear winter, we should all think back to this time and place where it was painfully obvious our country was heading toward a fascist state not seen sense the days of Hitler and Mussolini during World War II. Our grandchildren will ask us why we didn't do anything to prevent it from happening even though the signs were there as clear as day. And so we will huddle over the trash can fire, look our grandkids square in the eye, and tell them the God's honest truth:
We didn't do anything because the fascist candidates were just so darn entertaining to watch at the time.